


You Two Have A Bedroom

by TheGreatGame



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Glimpses of sex, M/M, Zoe gets angry, be warned, but no actual sex, technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7598917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGreatGame/pseuds/TheGreatGame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"You two have a bedroom, you know!"</em> Zoe walks in on the Doctor and Jamie being intimate in the library and is finally fed up. She reflects on how this has happened in the past and simply wants this to stop.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Two Have A Bedroom

"You two have a bedroom, you know!"

The Doctor and Jamie both squirmed about in the armchair, trying desperately to cover themselves with a blanket. Their faces were flushed and red, and Jamie was looking meekly at his kilt, which he had abandoned on the floor.

"Zoe!" the Doctor gasped. "What, what are you doing here?"

"… This is the library! Why shouldn't I be here?"

"Well," said Jamie, "this is the… what is it again, Doctor?"

"Tacky Highland romance novel section."

"The tacky Highland romance novel section. We didnae expect to see you here."

 Zoe shook her head and forced herself to be just a bit more calm. She still could make an agitated tiger look like a kitten. 

"More to the point, why are you two doing… _this_ here?!"

"Well," the Doctor began, "I was reading to Jamie while he was resting on me lap, and then he chose a much different book from the shelf behind us as a joke, and then one thing led to another-"

" _Shut it!_ "

The Doctor shut his mouth as Zoe held her head in her hands and groaned through gritted teeth. This was the last straw.

Sometimes, Zoe couldn't stand that the Doctor and Jamie were in a sexual relationship. It wasn't because they were both men, of course. Zoe was fine with any sane, consenting adult bedding any other sane, consenting adult. In fact, if the situation were just a bit different, she simply wouldn't care. 

The problem was that she had too many experiences of seeing that side of their relationship in person.

The first unwanted viewing happened not long after she came aboard the TARDIS. It must have been one, two weeks after the day she had stowed away. She had wanted to get something, a trinket from an alien world, that she had left in the console room. However, the only thing she did get was a short, yet clear view of the Doctor on his knees before Jamie, who was leaning against the control panel, his hands gripping it tightly too near to some very important controls. 

Fortunately, the angle of her view from the hallway didn't show much, but her intelligent mind filled in the details and wisely told her to run. She didn't know whether they had noticed her, but she said nothing and stayed away from that area of the console for quite a while afterwards.

Sadly, that wasn't the last time she had walked in on them. It had happened again in the Doctor's study, in the garden, in the kitchen. The kitchen incident had actually caused Zoe to lodge her first complaint, because Jamie was doing the Doctor hard over the table where everyone had to eat. She didn't care when he muttered that they had put down a sheet beforehand.  
  
Now, she was at her wit's end because the library, the library of all places, her little refuge of books and knowledge, was tainted with the sight of Jamie riding the Doctor atop an armchair.

"I really can't take much more of this," Zoe whined. "Why don't you two just do this in privacy?"

"Do you think we want you dropping in on us?" said Jamie. "Why do you think we chose this section of the library in the first place?"

Zoe didn't even grace that question with an answer.

"Fair point," the Doctor admitted. "But it was because we thought here would be the last place you'd look."

"Why are you here, Zoe?" said Jamie, and rather sternly too since he had really been enjoying himself before she had interrupted them. The book had given them a few ideas.

"Because I had made the mistake of wanting to find you. I was going to tell you about a new museum on the planet that we landed on, but now I'm not even giving you a clue as to what it has."

"Like we want to see some space show," Jamie scoffed.

"It's not space. It's the planet's minerals and their composi- Oh!" Zoe grumbled under her breath and turned away, knowing full well she was acting immaturely but not caring.

"Zoe, we're very sorry," the Doctor said softly. Zoe heard him stand and zip up his trousers. "We promise to not do this outside our bedroom again."

"That's what you said last time."

"Yes, but… I really thought the TARDIS would-"

"What does the TARDIS have to do with this?" Zoe, in spite of her anger, turned around to face the Doctor again.

"Oh. Well, um."

The Doctor turned back to Jamie. Jamie heeded the Doctor's unasked request and got up to be next to him, draping the blanket around himself like a makeshift kilt.

"Before you joined us, Zoe," the Doctor began, "we had another passenger on board the TARDIS. A lovely young woman named Victoria."

"Did she have to suffer through seeing this too?" Zoe asked.

Zoe almost felt sorry for saying that. For some reason, Jamie winced and turned red again.

"No, no, she didn't," said the Doctor, as he placed a hand on Jamie's arm. "In fact, I don't think she even knew of our relationship. Jamie was a little more discreet, to be honest, but whenever we felt, erm, intimate outside our bedroom, the TARDIS made sure not to let her come across us.

"You know how the old ship can rearrange her room and hallways. She made sure that Victoria never reached the rooms we were in until we were presentable. I just thought she was doing the same with you, until the study incident. And then the gardens. And then the kitchen. I did ask her, you know. Very nicely."

Zoe's mouth opened, but it took a few seconds for actual words to come out.

"So why isn't she doing it now?"

"Well, of course, who knows what goes through that mechanical brain of hers? Heh heh."

Zoe waited.

"Heh."

Zoe waited.

"Well, it's not like she can answer me!"

Zoe waited.

"My only guess would be that, um," the Doctor's voice went quiet, "she's doing it for a laugh."

"… A laugh?" 

"That's not too surprising," said Jamie. "That sounds like her sense of humor."

The Doctor and Jamie took a perfectly coordinated step backwards from Zoe's glare, which had moved straight from daggers to stiletto-type blades.

"So I'm getting mentally scarred by you two _fucking_ -"

"Zoe!"

" _Fucking_ ," Zoe repeated, "because your space ship thinks it's funny?!"

The Doctor coughed lightly. Jamie scratched the back of his head. Neither of them met her eyes.

Zoe turned and started to march furiously out of the library. She stopped and swung a well-aimed punch at the nearest bookshelf.

The TARDIS did nothing. She knew she deserved that.


End file.
